"I don't necessarily want ease and instant anything anymore", I just want you. "What I wanted- what I want- is you." And only you. "Why do I miss the white-knuckle ride? I guess those were the times I felt alive, clinging to you for dear life. So I've got nowhere left to go, but to get down on my knees and wait for you to speak." These are quotes I found in the book Red Moon Rising. And this is where I am. i don't know how to tell God exactly what I want because I have no idea. Actually, I just want Him. But I think I'm just feeling like there should be more. "There is no risk left, and I'm scared of settling for this", another quote from the book :]. I have a lot to learn about Christ and the power and love that He poured on me when He died on the cross. And so that's what I'm gonna work toward. i could spend so much time in my own mind, trying to figure out God and my feelings. But I would rather let Him take me to His understanding, not my own. He's is way cooler and makes no sense to me but makes total sense in a mind lost in love. So that's where I'll be for now, on my knees. So imperfect. Searching in a non-striving way, lol. Come be more than enough in my life Lord.