Big enough for the moon.

It's late. 1am to be exact. Despite the fact that I have to be up at 6am, I am still awake, blogging. My mind is awake, so here I am!

The night is almost too gorgeous to be indoors. The sky is so light and the moon is so vibrant! Gotta love these summer nights. I stepped outside a moment ago to look at the night sky, and I was captured by the beauty and the "bigness" of it all. I was reminded of a lesson God once taught me through this "bigness". He showed me that, while the sky is one of the truest forms of beauty to me, it makes me nervous. Why? Because I can't control it. I can't see the whole thing. I can't convince myself that clouds don't lie just beyond the perfect sunrise. While my mind didn't really make the connection at the time of what God was saying, my heart was fully aware. How could The God that is so intimate with me, so gentle and familiar, be the God of it all? There is SO much out there! So much life and pain, so many different worldviews and so many beliefs. How could the God I know really be over it all? Wow, talk about trust issues, yeah, I've got em! Anyways...God was teaching me to enjoy the beauty of the sky, while trusting that He is big enough to handle it, and big enough to show Himself strong and true to me and the rest of the world. He can see the storms coming, and He's not alarmed. He still delights in the beauty. Why? Well, cause "He's bigger than the battle has ever been,".

So looking at the moon tonight, I had the choice to be alarmed at the vast unknown. But I felt Him giving me another option :] Cause He's good like that! I felt an excitement rising up of living in this big, wonderful world, with an even bigger God. I thought of the places I've been and I have no doubt that He took me to those places. I can't do squat on my own. I remembered that He knows my frailty and He wants to walk with me anyway. And that excites me. Our God is on the throne! And He is good!

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all of your ways acknowledge him and he will make your paths straight." - Proverbs 3:5-6

Am I still to forget, O wicked house, your ill-gotten treasures....?

Ok, so for the past year or so, God has been opening my eyes to slave-labor around the world and how we contribute to it all the time. And the more I've learned, the more torment I've been in because I know that to really take a stand against something so evil would be to say "No" to things that I buy all the time. Clothes and chocolate being my two greatest weaknesses in this department. I've let myself off the hook numerous, countless times when i've felt convicted about buying something. Why? Because I can ignore it if I really want to. People can make me feel better when they tell me that God doesn't expect me to be that radical. Even when I feel called to be that radical? To be honest, I don't really know what God "expects" of me. But Micah 6:8 says,
"He has showed you. O man, what is good.
And what does He require of you?
To act justly and to love mercy
And to walk humbly with your God."
He's shown me what's good, and He's shown me what's unjust. At the same time I've gotten a glimpse of what is evil and unjust, and I don't want to make excuses for myself anymore.
Father, give us the grace and determination to walk humbly before you, to love mercy more that we love comfort, to love you more than our own lives. Forgive us for determining in our own minds what is acceptable to you when you're shown us what is good. Lord, we want to love you more!

Just want to be with me....

I keep finding all these things in my life that I assume the Lord is telling me to work on them, to be better, to do better. But now, I'm finding that nothing comes from my own efforts. From trying to be good or better. I think He just wants to be with me. to spend time with me.

"Then Jesus went up on a mountain and called to him those he wanted, and they came to him. Jesus chose twelve and called them apostles. He wanted them to be with him...