"I don't necessarily want ease and instant anything anymore", I just want you. "What I wanted- what I want- is you." And only you. "Why do I miss the white-knuckle ride? I guess those were the times I felt alive, clinging to you for dear life. So I've got nowhere left to go, but to get down on my knees and wait for you to speak." These are quotes I found in the book Red Moon Rising. And this is where I am. i don't know how to tell God exactly what I want because I have no idea. Actually, I just want Him. But I think I'm just feeling like there should be more. "There is no risk left, and I'm scared of settling for this", another quote from the book :]. I have a lot to learn about Christ and the power and love that He poured on me when He died on the cross. And so that's what I'm gonna work toward. i could spend so much time in my own mind, trying to figure out God and my feelings. But I would rather let Him take me to His understanding, not my own. He's is way cooler and makes no sense to me but makes total sense in a mind lost in love. So that's where I'll be for now, on my knees. So imperfect. Searching in a non-striving way, lol. Come be more than enough in my life Lord.

lately...i'm coming up against same hard things. but at the same time, God is doing soem pretty awesome stuff in my midst. next year, i hope to be in nashville at the YWAM base there. while all my friends are going to college, i know that i'll be restless until i do this. because i really fell like God is calling me there. i can't wait to go! to get away from all this and just listen to Him. and then go out and see Him do things through me! but i feel like this should be happening here at home too. in fact...i know it should be. there is so much crap...i'm sure you know. but He is everywhere, He is enough, He is waiting for us to cry out, He is already on the move...just look around! i went through the hardest time in my life this past year...when someone who meant so much too so many died. i've never in all my life been that mad at GOd. do then what was i supposed to do? cause who can i talk too if i'm too mad to talk to my best friend, ya know? but HE has a way of always being faithful...always. He was enough to get me through then. He'll be enough to fulfill the dreams He's placed in my heart now.

hello erin! i address myself cause no one is readin this, haha! although things are not perfect, or anywhere near it, i feel good. i feel hope. i feel content...to a point. i know that my God is a God that redeems..that gives me the push i need to fight for things, to fight for people. people are so fascinating! we have so many ups and downs and our feelings are just too real sometimes, ya know? our hearts just hurt way too much for us to keep going the way that we are..so let go. breathe deep...and lean on Him. He wants to be near us so much more than we do, though we cry out in agony that He hasn't heard us.

so this is interesting...a blog...all for me :). well, life is def changing, isn't it? it's not a bad thing, but it's different. everyone is about to leave for college and start a new chapter of their lives, a new turn, a new challenge, a fresh breath. i think we're ready to discover what all this preparation is for. i'm just excited to see what God has in store for us all, all these beautiful people! let's wait and see.
-erin elise