And He loves like a father who just found His son...

[Trying to be perfect never got me anywhere...]

"Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for Which Christ Jesus took hold of me."

To The One our hearts long to love.

What is the greatest commandment Christ gave us? To love Him with all that we are (Matt 22:37). His Word says that "We love because he first loved us",(1 John 4:19). So let us never stop drowning in His love for us. Let us never stop meditating on it and singing of it. Let us never "get over" the truth and depth of His love. It is what compels us to love others, to love Him. His love is never ending.

"There's no end to the affection you have for me" -Jonathan David Helser

Graven in His Hand

Tonight, I had a simple yet profound encounter. I felt so discouraged tonight about so many things and I just haven't been feeling like I really ever do enough, because there's always so much more to be done. So tonight, I looked up at the stars...and nothing happened, lol. I still felt inadequate. So I just kept staring up at that big sky filled with lights, and this truth slowly started to dawn on me: The God who made each of those stars loves me. He isn't mad at me, He isn't annoyed and disappointed. Yes, He's always growing me and sometimes disciplines me, but all because He's madly in love with me. Yes, I said madly because how madly in love with someone do you have to be to leave heaven and die for them. I think we should remember that more often. He is not casual about His children. He is pursuing them. And when we forget who He is, He never forgets us. "...I will not forget you! See, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands; your walls are ever before me." Isaiah 49:15-16. Praise God.

You are Mine

Dear Blog,

It's been awhile, I know! I need to get some things out, and you're pretty good for that :].

So the Lord has been moving. And there is a breaking sound involved. He tends to do that. He tends to challenge and prod and discipline those that He loves. If there's one thing I really took from YWAM, it's that God loves us way to much to let us stay where we are. Thus the great breaking. Sometimes I'm fearful of going deeper with Him because I KNOW that He will bring to surface past hurts and scars. But there are times when I reach the end of myself and that's where the healing begins.

It can be very easy for me to "keep it together" in the midst of trials. Sometimes I feel that I don't have the right to just let it all go, to cry. But recently, with a situation in my life, I found myself trying to once again keep it together. I remember it clearly. I was sitting in the Indianapolis Symphony Orchestra, listening to a very beautiful and expressive piece, and everything in me wanted to scream, but I held back because, well, I was at the symphony. Then, ever so gently I felt the Father say, "You are my daughter. Cry out to your Abba!" And that did it. There, at the symphony, I balled my eyes out. Crying like a baby for my father to come and save me, I remembered where my strength comes from. I let myself off the hook to be perfect and get it right. I let myself break in His arms, and it was beautiful.

So what is the Lord doing here? He's reminding me to stop holding myself up. Because He will lift up those who know when it's time to fall down. He is "near to those who cry".

"The Lord upholds all those who fall and lifts up all who are bowed down. The eyes of all look to you, and you give them food at the proper time. You open your hand and satisfy the desires of every living thing,"
-Psalm 145:14-15

Grace. What is it? Are we even supposed to know? Are we just supposed to accept it? This is what's been on my mind a lot since I've been home. There is so much to do here, that I just feel overwhelmed so much. But at the same time, I'm trying to live in grace. It's such a hard balance at times.

I recently went to a Jesus Culture conference in Atlanta, GA, and God blew my mind there. Something a speaker said in particular caught my attention and created a disconnect in the way I tend to think. Very simple, 2 Cor 5:21 says, " God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God." The speaker began to reason with our jaded views of the Father. He said that if Christ became sin without sinning, why do we think that we could ever become righteous by our righteous acts....It made me think for awhile too :] It sounds so simple, yet everyday we find reasons to try and earn Him. We never could. Never will. So since I've been home, I've been learning how to be a hard worker, and how to work out of a place of resting in the arms of undeserved grace. And I don't really get it, but I know that it's real. It's by grace and grace alone that I am saved, and I thank God for that.

redemption

HEY!!!! so tonight was awesome! our little ywam group went to a gathering of students here at Auburn for a night of worshipping and baptisms of students ready to declare their decision to follow Christ. there were over 500 students there! but this wasn't some surface level time of singing songs. this was passionate adoration and declaration that our God reigns and He lives in us! more and more each day i'm discovering that when i choose to worship Him for who He is and what He's doing in my life, no matter what i'm going through, He reveals more of His power and Himself to me. He meets me where I am when I surrender my all to Him and admit that i'm nothing. in Him i live and move and have my being. AMEN!! tonight He showed that He is walking everything with me. He is leading me on. and He wants to redeem in me every area that the enemy has laid waste, because He wants me to be totally free! He is not ignorant of my trials, He is making me stronger! He is bringing me closer to His heart, and oh how He loves me! Amen!!

Right now I’m in Alabama at Auburn university doing our stateside outreach. I am so enjoying this place! All week we will be working with two former YWAM girls that are partnering with a church down here to head up missions and outreach in this area. They both have such a heart for the Lord and for this community to grow in discipleship and missions. There is a core group of students that we are working with. Sunday, we met with them to worship and intercede for what God is doing in and through us at Auburn. Last night we had chinese food with those same students and we also got to speak with 2 chinese students and 1 thai student, all of whom are believers. It was so cool to hear what they had to say for us, as missionaries going into their countries. one student was very real with us. he told us that some chinese will see us as invaders, and that we have to be there just to get to know them and to learn about them. he told us not to “google” the culture, so that we can be free to learn about the chinese from the chinese. it was a really cool experience. tosay was our first day of evangelism on auburn’s campus. we prayed for the Lord to give us words and people to pray for, and He totally honored that prayer! before we went out we intereceded for the day, and i felt that God was saying that even as we speak to people about His love, He will be refreshing us, He will be giving us the words. even as we speak! and He did! we got to pray for SO many people and just talk to them and encourage them. one girl in particular touched my heart. her name is suzie and as we told her that God had put her on our hearts she began to open up and tell us that she was just coming out of a relationship that had lasted 3 years. she said the break up had crushed her. you could tell that she was getting emotional. she had such a sweetness about her. she continued to tell us that God was doing beautiful things in her, like restoring her relationship with her mom, but that she was just hurting so bad. we got to pray life over her and we just prayed that God would be fighting for her and giving her strength. we spent a good amount of time just talking to her and i was so so blessed by hearing her speak and seeing what the Lord had for her. that he loves to speak to each of us is so beautiful to me. i love Him. there are so many other things that i would love to write! last weekend, we volenteered and were able to attend the Onething conference that was held in Nashville and it was so so awesome! God was moving!!!!! He showed me things to repent of and then when i accetedHis forgiveness and joy over me, i worshipped like crazy! and i discovered that the more i see Him, the more i WANT to give glory to Him, i don’t feel obligated, i feel honored to bring Him joy. oh, and everyone should go and buy the cory asbury cd...so good! it will bless your socks off! well, i would love to hear from each of you! what’s God been doing in your lives! i lvoe you all! please continue to pray for me and my amazing group. pray that God takes off the boxes we’ve put ourselves in and gives us freedom, and that we respond to Him y giving Him all the glory. all we want is Him. also, pray for us financially that God provides for all our expences for outreach, which is coming up so fast! tonight we are going to the auburn house of prayer, i’m so excited for this!!! peace and blessing to everyone! i love you all!!

love feast:]

Hello hello!

So much has happened since I last wrote! It's always hard to try and sum up what Im experiencing and what God is doing, but here goes!
Last week, all of our class topic was on worship and intercession. It was very different from our other classes, because in the middle of class we would often stop and just engage in worship to our King. It was so freeing! Our teacher, Cathy Hieser, has such a heart for us to grasp that God is so near to us and we are so dear to Him, and out of that, she wants our praises to pour forth! It was so great! Every week here we encounter a new aspect of this God that never changes, and all I want is to go deeper still. I'm beginning to once again get a passion for the Word of God. Also, I am writing songs! Which is such a big deal for me to write songs and actually play them on guitar in front of people! Now, I realize that most of you that are reading this are probably my super cool musical friends and may not be impressed. But its all about the baby steps, baby baby steps!
Now, you may be wondering why this post is labeled "love feast". Well, tonight was love feast night. So basically our great staff here turned the dining hall into a dimly lit, beautifully decorated feast! Everyone was dressed to impress and we had a grand night! Our wonderful school leader, Alen, escorted each of the ladies to a seat where we were served delicious food...yum! We ate and drank (iced tea) and had such a merry time just relaxing and enjoying each other's company.
I am still loving my time here, and I'm still being challenged daily...but I love it. Can't wait to talk to and see you all again soon! I'm hoping to be making a trip home at some point...yeah! Love you all!

Erin

P.S. I am sad to inform you all that there is snow here...boo.

because when you're wildly in love with someone, it changes everything

today in small group, we talked about this book that we have been reading called crazy love, by francis chan. we talked about how we think we have the right to demand answers from God when we don’t see His reasons for things, or how He is so amazing. i mean, he created tons of galaxies and we are just swirling around somewhere in the midst of it all. then we began talking about the cost Christ paid. when He was in the garden, He asked the Father to take this cup from Him if it was His will. thankfully, He drank the cup to it’s dregs. we started discussing the things He must have been feeling. the weight of the world's sins, seperation from His Father. then, a completely new revelation hit me. He was about to experieince the total pain of His beloved children, the ones He created to share a relationship of perfect love with Him, He was about to experience the weight of their hate. our hate. something He should never have had to feel or experience. something that never should have existed. He felt the hate of His precious children. can you dare to imagine that? don’t shy away from it, don’t mildly glance at the thought. respond! stop sitting still when you hear this! we are forgetting that this is GOOD NEWS!!!! when we spoke these things out loud, our group began to just cry. we ended with prayers asking forgiveness, thanking Him, proclaiming how amazing this truth of His love is. we are starting to realize that His love goes deeper than anything. it is the foundation of all truth, because it is what He is. He is love. He is love. and that love is truer than darkness. it’s truer than the fact that the sun will come up tomorrow. when you stand in His presence, there is now no room for arrogance. and thankfully, there is no need for insecurity. praise the Lord.

No Longer Expectation, Only Invitation

God is here. I am overwhelmed by his character. this is big stuff. let me explain. our guest speaker has been speaking about the character of God, and my eyes have been so opened. our God is a relational God. i wish you could just read my notes! in the garden when adam and eve had sinned for the first time and opened the door for death to show it’s ugly face, God came walking in the garden. He knew where they were, He’s God for crying out loud! but He asked them where they wer, because He was giving them the chance to come to Him in humility and say that they messed up, that He was right and they were wrong. when the sin was out in front of them all, when they were naked and shameful, before He banished them from perfection, He took care of their need. He took away the shame of their nakedness, and clothed them out of His love. He was relating to them out of His great love for them, not out of anger.

when i child is learning to walk and falls down after a few steps, the father does not hit them with a baseball bat and say “you should have tried harder! i’ve been showing you how to walk for too long now! you should know how to do this by now!” a loving father picks up his child, spins him around, throws him in the air and catches him saying, “good job! i am so proud of you! i am so so proud of you!” and then he helps him try again. He is relating out of love, not false expectaions. this is the heart of our God, and oh how i long to know Him more. if studying the word like we did today gave me that much joy, i can’t wait to study it more! He’s not expecting us to love him because He said to, He’s inviting us into relationship with Him. and out of the overflow of that wonderful, perfect relational God, we love Him with all that we are. our speaker told us of a time when his wife was recovering from something and was unable to leave her bed. he gave her a whistle to blow whenevere she needed him. after him running to her at every blow, she looked at him and said, “when you serve me like this, it makes me want to follow you anywhere”. this is how God relates to us. can we be humble, and ask Him to renew our minds and how we perceive His character? we dont have to defend Him to ourselves. He is who He is, and He is God grace who invites us to share life with Him. Amen.

we should all drink water, lots of water, everyday

Hello my dear friends!!!!

So I have just finished my second full day her at the great Nashville YWAM base. But don't let the name fool you, the base is actually located 40 min outside Nashville in a tiny town filled with hills, cattle, woods and lots of country accents. The accents are so intense that I have been tempted, on more than one occasion, to stop the person speaking and ask them if their accent was indeed real. Crazy. These past two days have been so busy and so great, I feel like I have been here for so long! Though I miss my family and friends and church, I feel at home here. My room mates are wonderful ladies that want God just as much as I do. In my DTS school, there are 19 students, and we are quickly becoming friends :]. I am learning volumes from them. Sometimes we get to a point where we feel like we must have seen all there is to see in life. Some of you may be laughing at me now, because I'm only 18, this is ridiculous, I know. There is SOOOO much out there that I have yet to experience! And I am learning that very fast! By being with these wonderful, amazing, beautiful people, I'm seeing God in new faces, through new eyes, and through other peoples experiences. I have so much to learn, and I'm so excited to learn it! More to come! I know this wasn't much, but know that God is speaking, God is here, God is on the move, and God is taking us where He's going! Praise the Lord!

packing?

hello reader! so today i am packing for the wonderful unknown that awaits me with my up and coming YWAM experience. someone asked me today if i'm nervous at all. after thinking for a moment and responding that i am nervous to leave my dear friends and family (you know who you are!), i realized what i'm most nervous about. funny enough, it's also the thing i'm most excited about: depending more fully on God my Father. here at home there is always someone to run to before i run to God. now, i understand that i still have my phone (thank God) and computer, so i really won't ever be "alone", not to mention i will be surrounded by others. but i will have to make friends all over again, by myself! and not seeing my everyday faces, i know will challenge me to run to God, because He will be the most familiar one in this new place. He will be the only on that goes with me. to be honest, i find myself a bit fearful at the thought. Lord, meet me here! this whole feeling makes me want to curl up in His arms and remember all the times He's comforted and saved me. the times when He brought me out and lifted me to higher ground. He truly is the higher rock, the only One who never fails. He is who i thought He was, and oh so much more. and while i'm nervous and a little scared of separating from everyone here in indy, i'm so excited to go to a new level with Him. i'm excited to be stretched so that i have no other option than to see Him in all His glory and power. to see that He is enough. oh, He's taking me somewhere alright, and we'll just have to wait and see what happens :]

Love, Erin