You are Mine

Dear Blog,

It's been awhile, I know! I need to get some things out, and you're pretty good for that :].

So the Lord has been moving. And there is a breaking sound involved. He tends to do that. He tends to challenge and prod and discipline those that He loves. If there's one thing I really took from YWAM, it's that God loves us way to much to let us stay where we are. Thus the great breaking. Sometimes I'm fearful of going deeper with Him because I KNOW that He will bring to surface past hurts and scars. But there are times when I reach the end of myself and that's where the healing begins.

It can be very easy for me to "keep it together" in the midst of trials. Sometimes I feel that I don't have the right to just let it all go, to cry. But recently, with a situation in my life, I found myself trying to once again keep it together. I remember it clearly. I was sitting in the Indianapolis Symphony Orchestra, listening to a very beautiful and expressive piece, and everything in me wanted to scream, but I held back because, well, I was at the symphony. Then, ever so gently I felt the Father say, "You are my daughter. Cry out to your Abba!" And that did it. There, at the symphony, I balled my eyes out. Crying like a baby for my father to come and save me, I remembered where my strength comes from. I let myself off the hook to be perfect and get it right. I let myself break in His arms, and it was beautiful.

So what is the Lord doing here? He's reminding me to stop holding myself up. Because He will lift up those who know when it's time to fall down. He is "near to those who cry".

"The Lord upholds all those who fall and lifts up all who are bowed down. The eyes of all look to you, and you give them food at the proper time. You open your hand and satisfy the desires of every living thing,"
-Psalm 145:14-15